six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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