Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That accounts for only three of the penises
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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