your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
