Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
