The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
