How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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