We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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