we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize