dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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