they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
