White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
