Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
