My friends, they love my intelligence
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
