Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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