I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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