if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
