u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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