Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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