I heard we made out
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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