we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
