Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
