wat bout pragnant strippers??
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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