Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
