Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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