Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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