I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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