I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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