i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
