Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize