but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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