i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
