Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
