Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
