We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
