They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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