Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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