life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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