called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
