you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
