Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
