if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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