hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
