you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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