I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
