Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
