I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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