if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My dick has a subreddit
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need water and some morals
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
