Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
