Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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