i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
