Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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