I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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