You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize