Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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