I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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