Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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