nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
