so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
