I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
