I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize