hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
