I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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