Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
