I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
