My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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