I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
