i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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