Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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