I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
