He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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