he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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