I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
