He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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