I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
