wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
