you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
