Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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