I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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