Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
