who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
