Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize