She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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