Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
There are leaves in my underwear?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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