I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
