k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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