sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
