literally had 100 drinks last night.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
