Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
