Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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