I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
