I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
