when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
