Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
